Sweet Music

Sweet Music

Baseline: Leaders/Managers build our power and influence by being known, liked, respected, valued. By people willing to take risks with us, and over time, people trusting that we will do the right thing.

Operating Principle #1: Power is ephemeral, fragile and fleeting. Just ask any politician.

Operating Principle #2: Influence is about what people believe about me -- the person -- whether true or not. Influence is somewhat more enduring than power.

Operating Principle #3: We build influence by developing intimate (not sexual) relationships with people. Self-disclosure is the currency of intimacy.

OP #4: We build our power bases by collecting power chips in position (the president or CEO), money (I want it I buy it), brute force (Give it to me or I'll beat the physical, emotional or spiritual crap out of you).

Intimacy is about authentically self-disclosing oneself. It is about being familiar, informal, and truthful while developing an emotional connection with people. Intimacy builds one's credibility. It is how people measure our reliability. Goodwill is also a currency of intimacy.

OP #5: Without power a leaders/manager's influence is limited.

"How do I build more influence with my employees so I don't have to use my power as much?"

Here is a Top 11 list of intimacy-influence-nurturing ingredients:

Operating Principle #6: Without influence, a leaders/manager's power is not sustainable.

Be Constructive

1. Tell your employees what you appreciate about them.

Ya gotta say it to make it real. "Shirely, as we start this today, I'd like to say I really appreciate how you dealt with the meeting yesterday. I saw you being clear and direct while at the same time listening to people's issues. You -- I think -- made a big, positive difference to the outcomes."

2. Actively celebrate successes.

Let go of the tendency to do Theory "X" thinking of, "That's what they get paid to do." Organize meetings, coffees, lunches that specifically reflects on or toasts a job well done.

Be Situationally and Appropriately Personal

3. Use your employee's name and make gentle eye contact when talking with him/her.

To hear one's name said with respect is sweet music. Gentle eye contact is the non-verbal acknowledgement of the other's being. Address your employees personally in emails, voicemails, and conversations. Herb Kelleher, when CEO of Southwest Airlines, was a master at this.

4. Use everyday language.

Hold off on the management jargon or multi-syllabic words. Do human talk. Simple. Straightforward. Direct.

5. Be considerate in your interactions.

Being considerate creates emotional connectedness. Pause to show the person that you're interested in what s/he is saying (both the words and the intentions). Summarize what you heard before asking a question or making your next statement. "I heard you say.... And it's seems like this is a stressful situation for you Frank. Would you agree" or "I understand how that is difficult for you." or "That sounds like a win worth celebrating!"

6. Express your own emotions.

Managers are people too. "Well, Sam, I am feeling quite frustrated by what I just heard you say." or "I am so relieved to hear you say that. I was afraid that..."

7. Be personal.

At the next after the holidays check-in session, rather than doing the usual, superficial "how-was-your-weekend-fine-thanks-yours?" Get a little more personal, "My weekend was enjoyable for me, Renee. Thanks for asking. My parents visited us. George and I really enjoyed their company. Sometimes that's not the case. We had some much-needed, fruitful conversations about some family matters."

Activate your courage

8. Acknowledge awkward, possibly conflict-ridden situations.

Self-disclosure is a conversational lubricant: "OK, I am feeling a bit awkward here..." or "I wish I had better news..." or "We need to deal with this apparent conflict so we can move on."

9. Be concise, direct and brief.

Try saying it in 15 words or less. Use those 15 words as conversation openers, not closed directives. "Looks like we're not going to make the deadline." or "We don't have management's agreement we need." or "Gerry is leaving the team as of today." The direct approach is especially effective in awkward situations.

10. Own your mistakes.

Human beings who are doing things, make mistakes. Be real and up front. "Jane, I screwed up and made a problem for you. I am responsible I am sorry. I will let George know it was me -- not you -- who fouled up."

11. Warning!

None of these "ingredients" work if you're forced, are manipulative or apply them robotically.

You might feel a little awkward and unpolished at first -- that's good, as your awkwardness reveals your humanness, which creates more intimacy.

To get your FR.EE Instant Copy of -- A TASTE of GENIUS -- how genius leaders use intimacy to build their power and influence. Go to http://www.subject2change.ca

From Dr. Jim Sellner, PhD.,DipC. -- working with Zoomers & Super Zoomers to experience more joy, health and a sense of abundance.

Sweet Sweet Music $7.49 Sweet Sweet Music

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In the Sweet By and By $2.05 By Joseph P. Webster. Arranged by Daniel J. Hall. SSAA. Walton Choral. 12 pages. Walton Music #WLG130. Published by Walton Music

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The Sweet By and By $3.95 "I want you to know something if you don't already. Life is choosing whom and what you love. Everything else follows . . ." Among the longleaf pines and family farms of eastern North Carolina, days seem to pass without incident for Margaret Clayton and Bernice Stokes until they discover each other in a friendship that will take them on the most important journey of their lives. Margaret, droll and whip smart, has a will of iron that never fails her even when her body does, while Bernice, an avid country-music fan, is rarely lucid. Irreverent and brazen at every turn, they make a formidable pair at the home where they live, breaking all the rules and ultimately changing the lives of those around them. Lorraine, their churchgoing, God-questioning nurse, both protects and provokes them while they are under her watchful eye, as her daughter, April, bright and ambitious, determinedly makes her way through medical school. Rounding out the group of unlikely and often outrageous friends is Rhonda, the Bud-swilling beautician who does the ladies' hair on her day off and whose sassy talk hides a vulnerable heart, one that finally opens to love. Weaving this tightly knit and compelling novel in alternating chapters, each woman gets to tell her story her own way, as all five learn to reconcile troubled pasts, find forgiveness, choose hope, and relish the joy of life. Rich with irresistible characters whose uniquely musical voices overflow the pages, "The Sweet By and By" is a testament to the truth that the most vibrant lives are not necessarily the most visible ones.

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Sweet Charity (Digital Sheet Music) $4.99 "By Cy Coleman, Dorothy Fields, and Sweet Charity (Musical). For piano, voice, and guitar (chords only). Broadway; Musical/Show; Standards. 3 pages. Published by Hal Leonard - Digital Sheet Music"

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