There You

There You

I have to admit that it took me a while to really get this saying so that my behavior changed. Perhaps when those of us who are cringing at the thought of having to meet and talk to people enter a room, we do feel "Well here I am." That isn't because we're vain, but because we're so focused on how we're feeling.

Focusing on ourselves, for whatever reason, isn't a good way to encourage another person to talk to us. No matter how hard we try to hide our anxiety about being in that room, other people tend to pick up on it. Because people are always trying to interpret the feelings they are sensing from us, the typical assumption people make is that you aren't comfortable WITH THEM!

You have probably heard stories along the line of the woman who thought the man who sat next to her at a dinner party had been such a fabulous conversationalist. Turns out what he had done was to made her feel special and focus on what she had to say all evening. He had actually said very little.

So once again we're talking about taking the focus off you and your distress. I hope the techniques we've discussed so far are helping your lower that distress level. Now here is one of the biggest keys to making YOU feel more comfortable and better at making small talk.

One of the best ways to increase your comfort level and appear to be more at ease is to focus on the other person. Stop the inner dialog that is telling you to bolt and run out of the room. Replace it with focus on the other person. It isn't important for you to be sparkling, insightful, charming, witty or fascinating (we'll work on those things later!).

You simply have to focus on the other person as though you found them sparkling, insightful, charming, witting and fascinating. When people feel that you like them and find them interesting, they are going to have the same feelings for you. I'm not sure of the psychological concepts that make this true, but it is true and you can make it work for you.

The way to start this process is to make eye contact and think to yourself, as if you were saying them out loud to the other person, "Ahh, there you are!" You'll feel some of your self-inflicted tension start to leave your body. Your face will soften and you'll start to smile. The other person is going to feel your warmth coming to them, and watch how much more easily the conversation will get started.

When people are focusing on you and encouraging you to talk about things you enjoy, isn't the whole small talk process much easier? Now you can help the small talk process by letting your body and face convey how happy you are that the other person showed up. Ahh, there you are!

And here is help for all your networking conversations. FREE networking scripts! Visit http://hiddenjobmarketsecrets.com/networking-scripts. Soon you'll be getting into the hidden job market to hear about all those unadvertised jobs!

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West Coast Wardrobe Zig Before You Zag Short $29.4 Spring essentials. The West Coast Wardrobe Zig Before You Zag Short is the perfect little shorts for day or night. Try them with a casual tee or a dressier blouse for looks that take you anywhere. These button up shorts feature front pockets and faux back flaps.

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Siwy Hannah Slim Crop Jean in I Fell For You $129.5 Cropped at the ankle, this style is meant to be snug, highlighting the figure. The Hannah has a magical inseam, which is graded to create the perfect skinny for petite figures, while also creating a flattering crop for the taller figure.

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West Coast Wardrobe Neon Breeze Top $26.6 Hot summer nights and a neon breeze. Spring is meant for punch brights and you won't be disappointed in days spent wearing the West Coast Wardrobe Neon Breeze Shirt. Slouchy pockets adorn this button up top for a look that's casual when you want it and easily takes you into those summer nights.

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Neon Breeze Top $38 Hot summer nights and a neon breeze. Spring is meant for punch brights and you won't be disappointed in days spent wearing the West Coast Wardrobe Neon Breeze Shirt. Slouchy pockets adorn this button up top for a look that's casual when you want it and easily takes you into those summer nights.

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Koolaburra Savannity Boots in Chestnut $210 Got fringe? If you don't (or if you need a little more!), get the Koolaburra Savannity Boots in Chestnut. These fringe-embellished boots have two layers of fringe and are as comfy as they are beautiful! Available in rich chestnut brown.

Nation LTD Helena Tee $72.1 Casual comfort. When a sweatshirt is all you want, the Nation Ltd Helena Tee is what you need. Serious style with a swing shape – chic and relaxed is found.

Brokedown Lollapalooza Tank $47.6 This lover of music festivals shows her Mid-West spirit in the Brokedown Lollapalooza Tank. Whether you are attending, or just like to be festival ready you should def. get her style!

House of Harlow 1960 Evil Eye Earrings in Gold $42 Designer Nicole Richie keeps you posted on simple style. The House of Harlow 1960 Evil Eye Earrings not only bring you luck but also some seriously trendy piece to add to your jewelry collection.

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